ADOLESCENT FAQsI try to understand where my teenage daughter is coming from but it seems she doesn’t “get it” when I explain to her that she has household responsibilities. Not surprisingly, many parents forget what it was like to be a teenager themselves. Teens hate to be “talked at” and believe that most any directive is a criticism. The fact is, their brains are different than adult brains and they truly don’t see the world as we do. My teen often acts in the most mature responsible way you could imagine and that proves they’re capable of acting like an adult. The next moment he behaves like an irresponsible child. Why is that? The teenage brain is only partially developed, especially the part of the brain that has to do with “executive functioning.” Because of this, they don’t always think things through and think logically. When they do, it’s a good sign their brain is developing as it should. My teenager is sometimes upset by the least little thing. I walk around on eggshells. What am I doing wrong? Have heart! This too shall pass. In addition to your teens not yet fully developed brain, they are also hormonally imbalanced because their bodies are turning from that of a child to the body of an adult. They experience different emotions and body sensations that are unpredictable and may last for days at a time. Our 16 year-old needs to see a therapist, but I want to pick who he goes to and know what’s being discussed. As his parents don’t we have that right? In the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, anyone over the age of 14 may seek and receive therapy without parental consent, and they are entitled to have what is discussed in treatment as confidential. At Innovative Child and Family Psychotherapy and Counseling Associates we follow the letter and spirit of the law, but we also want to preserve and enhance the family system. We ask teenagers over the age of 14 to agree to inform their parents of certain serious issues their parents should be aware of. This is often a judgment call on the part of the therapist, but usually, the teenager is relieved to share what’s going on and the family system becomes stronger as they work on solving the problem together. My teenage son is always accusing me of giving him angry looks and being mad at him even though I’m not angry at all. I’m beginning to wonder if he’s right or if I’m going crazy? Teens are not always good at accurately reading facial expressions and “interpersonal cues.” A study was done in which teenagers were shown pictures of different facial expressions. They tended to mistakenly identify expressions of concern, worry or even a neutral face as someone who is angry. We’ve gone to several therapists and our teenager refuses to talk. At home they admit they have serious things on their mind such as having been traumatized by a bad relationship. If they won’t talk about it how can they get better? Psychotherapy with teens usually consists of talk therapy and family, but when they refuse to open up, Brainspotting or EMDR are very effective in helping them get symptom relief without having to say much of anything. When my daughter was younger she listened to me and even asked for my advice. Now that she is 14 everything I say is wrong and “stupid.” If she hears the same input from her friends, she’ll agree with them, but never me. The writer, Mark Twain, once said, “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." Teens are struggling to find their individual identity and intellect. In order to become independent they must figure things out on their own and become less dependent upon their parents. Unfortunately, in the process they may refuse to accept anything you say as valid. |